Blog

Where did I go?

So I was inspired yesterday to start blogging again. It had been a few months since I sat down and wrote what my heart wanted me to. So I opened up my blog to see where I had last left off and scrolled to find the last post I had written, and it broke me.

That long?

Starting in November I wrote a gratitude post, I was loving it and then life happened. My last gratitude blog post was written on Wednesday November 6th and the floodgates of what happened those following days knocked me on my a**. Sorry for my language, but it is true. I was not expecting to re-live arguable my roughest season of life in such an instant. I no longer could write gratitude posts, I was finding it really hard to be grateful for anything at that time. So I shut down and haven’t tried to write since then.

Honestly I am torn, part of me wants to share what happened and part of me wants to keep it hidden forever. The jury is still out and maybe one day I will fully fill you in. For now let’s just say that I have experienced a good share of trauma in my life and that weekend was probably the worst. I am however willing to talk about what has happened since that November day.

What changed?

I am in personal therapy once a week and it is slowly but surely changing my life. It took me years to find a therapist that I was comfortable with and didn’t feel judged by. BTW if you are on your journey of finding a therapist that you are comfortable with I encourage you to keep trying and don’t give up like I did. Thinking back on it I have been trying out a therapist about once a year for 9 years and I never stuck in therapy past 3-4 weeks. I am thankful I found someone who I can speak to with openness to really process things that have happened in my life so I can move forward. EVERYONE and their brother needs therapy!

My husband is also in personal therapy once a week with his own therapist. I cannot speak for how his personal journey has been, but I have noticed so much growth and peace within him since he has started. I love that we are both growing and learning at the same time. It has made this vulnerable stage in life more bearable knowing that we are in it together.

Lastly we are in marriage counseling once a week with a whole new therapist! Yes, we are paying three separate people to talk to weekly! It has been a hit in our budget along with being a time consumer, but it has been so absolutely worth it. I would recommend therapy to every married couple on the planet, truly amazing!

I was afraid

During this transition time I didn’t want to post. I didn’t know what to post, or how to act like everything was okay when in reality everything was falling apart. If I didn’t post would people wonder what was going on? For the people who knew what was going on, would they judge me for posting something positive? But I surely couldn’t be negative and air my dirty laundry… so I simply shut down.

Honestly that was really, really hard. I love being an open book, I love being on social media and I love sharing my life with others to give hope! At that time I just couldn’t.

What about my Business

For a few weeks in November I really only worked my Mary Kay business online. Took most of December off except taking online orders. January was great, I went back to holding parties! Which is also one of my biggest joys in life! Finally I got my business back on track. It was feeling so good to be working like I love to work.

Therapy was great. Being back on social media was great. My business was thriving! Life was getting good and back into place…

COVID-19

Then this. Here I am stuck in my house. Justin, my husband is working from home so that has been a hard adjustment. The kiddos are out of daycare so they are getting no time away from each other. My business just did a 180 because I can’t be going into peoples homes to do parties like I typically do. So I have had to get savvy using technology.

Honestly I am not that stressed about all that is currently going on right now because of prep work that has been going on behind scenes. If I had not taken some steps that I did back in November and let my life continue on without any change, this quarantine time would have been horrendous. I am choosing to be thankful for the skills that I have learned in counseling and thankful for a business that I can adapt with so I can continue to serve my family!

This blog post kind of took on a life of its own. I am done editing it. Done re-reading to make it perfect. I am going to post it with joy and pray it serves you! Until next time, try doing something out of your comfort zone!