The constant dialogue that is spoken in most of my circles is to be positive. Be the light that someone else needs. Share a smile and focus on the other person. Keep your issues to yourself. Don’t “air your dirty laundry”. Let’s be clear I 100% agree with the thought process behind those statements, but can’t I want to challenge them a little. Can’t I both be an open book AND encouraging? I honestly think so. Well I hope so.

What is encouragement?

Encouragement in loose terminology is to give someone hope. Do more people receive more hope from a fake life, with a fake happiness and a fake family versus someone who is honest with their struggles. I don’t think so, I think that people receive hope when they know that they are not alone in the trenches.

Think about it, support groups are everywhere! But the support groups are for people who have struck major tragedy in their life. They are willing and able to admit that they are not okay and they need to know that they are not alone. They are vulnerable and honest and open and probably more peaceful.

So, why can’t we?

Why can’t “we” as the rest of society who hides behind lies admit that “we” too need a support group and that “we” too need to know that we are not alone and/or not okay. Seriously though, this drives me insane! Just like my lack of grammar might drive you insane. I am sick of walking through life with relationships that are ankle deep because I am afraid people will judge me. I am afraid I will be considered no longer positive. I am afraid that people won’t want to be my friend. Sorry past Brandi, but you were SO wrong.

Keeping people at arms length distance and literally acting like I was “great” while the world was falling apart around me has come and kicked me in the butt. I have said I was great for years, though this blog is slowly opening up and revealing the truth that I was and am fighting some heavy demons. Opening up and writing takes a HUGE weight off my chest. I feel lighter and more known by my people.

When I share my open and honest feelings WAY more people comment and message me then when I share my literal picture perfect Instagram post. So I ask…

Can’t it be both?

I think yes. I think I can both be encouraging and honest. Knowing that people have thought the very dark things I have thought make me feel more normal. When someone shares that they have also yelled at their kids I feel like I am not the worst mother on this planet. Reading that someone I admire cried in their bathroom today because they just couldn’t anymore makes me feel like I am not am emotional wreck who clearly isn’t strong enough.

This is me encouraging you!

My body has depression and anxiety. It stunts some of my days (like today), today was not great. My list of things to do was a mile long and I got the things done that needed to be done, but not the rest. I didn’t work out. I napped while the kids napped. We had frozen pizza for dinner. I then ate pop tarts right after said frozen pizza! Kids went to bed without a bath and I have been laying in bed since 7pm while the rest of my house is a disaster. That is surface level some life.

I desperately want to share it all with you friends, but I won’t. Not today at least. But I want you to know that you are not alone! You are not fighting battles by yourself. You are not a bad mother, wife, friend, human, etc. You DO NOT have to be “perfect”. Because the truth is, no one is. I am rooting for you.

I hope and pray that my story can be a light in your darkness. And I am freaking positive and encouraging! So I won’t allow others to dim my light! Much love always, your pal Brandi